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Rising Father

#11 2 Pillars To Live By With Kyle Carnohan

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Podcast #11 2 Pillars To Live By With Kyle Carnohan

Summary:

I talk with Kyle Carnohan of Superhuman Fathers about the 2 pillars he lives his life by that are leading him through the best years of his life at 41 years old.

Kyle opens up about overcoming issues in marriage, fatherhood, health, mindset, and more.

Kyle coaches fathers to become the healthiest versions of themselves with a no judgement attitude and a passion for service.

Follow Superhuman Fathers on IG Here: https://www.instagram.com/superhumanfathers/

Transcript:

If I can control what i put in my mouth food and drink
then what can i do with what comes out of my mouth the words that come out what can i do with
the actions that i have and what causes the problems in the family it’s digging
your heels in and arguing about dumb [ __ ] it’s snapping at your kids when you’re frustrated
right it’s it’s saying a sarcastic remark to your wife because you think she said something dumb
and we always treat the ones we love the worst right and i and those two things
are or or and then we go back to like walking past the dish that sink with dirty dishes in it like
that’s this these are all the same it’s like the same muscle you use not to eat [ __ ]
to empty that dishwasher and so you have this bleed over effect as you start to
get these things lined up to where now you’re starting to become a superhuman
father [Music]
you know i love watching you on your skateboard falling and crashing and posing with your whole family his whole
family’s like completely ripped well we’ll just get right into it if that’s okay with you yeah i’m ready man
let’s do it perfect well this is the rising father podcast i’ve got kyle and um kyle your
last name is carnahan wright yeah man named after a giant leprechaun that’s a kyle kyle lee carnahan
yeah i could you got a nice accent there if you want yeah yeah usually it usually changes into something else i’m not
really good with the accent but irish right yeah yeah i mean we thought we were more than we actually
are we did the uh the test and turns out we’re more german percentage
oh really yeah yeah which was just a shock to my poor dad he was just so proud of his irish
heritage turns out that he’s german it’s the same thing our family also wants to
be irish um [Laughter] we have we did one of someone in i like i told you earlier when we were
talking i’ve got eight brothers and sisters and i think three of them did dna tests somehow everyone has like
different amounts of everything it’s all pretty similar but you know i i would think i don’t
know how it works but i would think that everyone would be like exactly the same hey maybe maybe it’s like body fat test
it doesn’t really work speaking of that we just got a new scale because my son has a jujitsu tournament coming up so we
have to keep him on weight and uh our old scale blew out so we got a new scale and it has bought maybe you could tell me about
this has body fat percentage somehow it sends to my smartphone my body fat percentage i don’t know how it
was under twenty dollars so i don’t know how accurate that is going to be yeah not so much i think like uh i think like
the best thing to do though is just make sure it’s the same same time of day same circumstances and then it maybe it
can it can give you a rough idea but i don’t yeah i don’t have my guys really
test their body fat at all i just use my laser my laser vision and i can tell by look i can tell by looking
for sure it’s definitely a marketing gimmick and it was uh under 20 so it worked for me
but anyway yeah we took three of them took the dna tests and i think you know we’re we were always
told we were irish italian and slovak and we we ended up only being like
10 irish which everyone was disappointed because my sisters have like you know they got tattoos of cloverleaf
[Music] same our family irish pendants irish dancing stickers
and yeah just my dad was just got us together he’s like i’ve got really
hard news for you i just laughed i was like who cares we’re all mutts man it’s all good
that’s that’s what it turns out we are i mean we’re no more i think than 15 of any european
country you know just irish italian slovak polish i think there’s some welsh which
is rad now you can be at all you can rep whatever you want yeah exactly that’s that’s fine with me
well anyway um can you tell me a little bit about your story so rising father you know we
kind of got to know each other a little bit just a little bit and i hope that we can keep keep talking and communicating
but where i what my goal is is to introduce fathers to people like you and to resources to
help them you know we say rise in health wealth and family like you’re a dad you’re in your 30s 40s 50s even you know
life’s not over there’s so much more you can do you can still get ripped you can still start a business you can still
you know you can still change the your future with your family so like that’s what rising father is about so what
tell me how you kind of came to be yeah man i guess first like you just stated my life like i’m 41 years old
i started my entrepreneur journey at 39 i’ve been a fireman for the past 13 14 years before that i worked at a
bank you know i’ve had a lot of changes in my life and i and
a lot of challenges financially too that caused a lot of those changes
and um there is no limits at all on what you can do i just
put my year leave of absence in for my fire job like i left my fire job
um by building something that just came out of my heart
you know and following that pure and true voice
that that speaks to you ever so softly urging you
onward into the darkness you know that those steps of faith and
taking risks and putting time into things that really matter and
there is no one on this planet that can’t achieve incredible things
if they just listen and act consistently you know
but to get to your your question um well you said so much amazing stuff
right there yeah go go ahead and acknowledge it how do you acknowledge that
yeah i mean that’s speaking with passion that is what there’s so many guys i’m
34. you said you’re what 41 yeah okay but i mean i i know guys who are 27
to 30 who look and feel and talk like they’re
about to croak i’m sure you know some too you know oh i’m too old to do that i can’t go out or
i can’t start juju i can’t start this i can’t start that you know i’m already getting old i’m getting stiff it’s like
man you have no idea you see people like you you see so many people that are
up you know getting older and older and like there’s a guy at our jiu jitsu gym he’s 60 he just got
his black belt you know he’s shredded he can kick the [ __ ] out of me and then there’s a guy who’s 28 years old who
thinks he’s over the hill it’s just it’s mind-boggling yeah um
this this is just i mean i’m in the best shape of my life
mentally physically spiritually um this is the best year of my life last
year was my best year the year before that was the best year before that and what does it come down to
it comes down to small daily decisions
that’s it and then being consistent that’s it
do you feel like consistency is you know there’s a million self-help gurus and books you can read but in your
experience do you feel like just consistency if you can just do that at something like that’s the one thing guys are
lacking yeah and i i think like you find what you love and just go all
in and and what i mean is this is an important concept like if you’re like i don’t know what i love
just pick some things and just do them right you’ll pick what you love
and people also think you’re supposed to love what you love all the time and most the time you you hate it that’s the
point it’s supposed to be hard there’s a massive resistance pressing against your progress at all times
and so understand you’re going to get to the point where you’re doing something you’re like i don’t know if this is for me
stop like that is the moment when you must press through and finish what you
started you know and you can have multiple things just
continue don’t stop jiu-jitsu is a great example like
there’s so many moments where you feel massive resistance in your progress if you just show up
just show up and do you study uh yeah i’m i’m uh i’m fairly
i’d say i’m new and old in the game so my my kids all my kids all do it
my wife’s a blue belt um i have been kind of in and out of it we’ve been
around it for a long time and uh kind of not having the fire job right now has
been pretty cool because i’m taking the boys of that 6 a.m class and uh oh okay
waking them up in the morning has been awesome has been amazing watching their sleepy eyes
in the morning and then watching them not want to go and then watching their smiles after they’re done you know mm-hmm
yeah our kids well first off what what belt are you oh i’m a forever white bell
i think i think i’ll be a white belt forever actually that happens because when you when you train with
other guys and you don’t go to the school you never get promoted
okay are you are you not training at a school i am now that i’m that i’m home from the park okay good but uh yeah but
yeah so you’ll be able to kick the [ __ ] out of those guys though with some legit
training um it was cool like like uh i got a buddy who’s a black belt and he’s just
like he would just hammer me dude like yeah on the regular he’d always say four four
ten minute rounds or five eighths and that was what we do we didn’t drill nothing it was just
four tens or five eights with a major long round long rounds with a minute in between
and uh you know he’s trying to get me to calm down not be so aggro he wanted me to last
and learn how to breathe and get through that claustrophobia that i still get on the bottom sometimes
you know me too i’m only a blue belt i mean like i haven’t been in for that long but
that’s my um my jujitsu professor um rodrigo junkier he’s he’s
lighter than me but when he’s on you he feels like he’s 500 pounds i love it you know just
and my first you know first month same thing and that’s you know i was just like everyone every
white belt does especially if you’re a little bit athletic you just try to bench press everyone off you yeah he’s
using so much muscle and he would just make it so miserable for me i was just dying under his it
felt like he weighed a ton and he was just like 210 pounds or something it’s amazing like i i get choked out all the
time by like females and like my sons he even gives me a run for my
money and he you know he weighs like 100 pounds less than me the magic of jiu jitsu is just can’t be understated like
i i love just getting destroyed by like a little this little blue belt is just
choking me and i was like this is amazing and people i tell people like that you know
what there’s this guy at our gym he’s he walked on to like the the local universities
football team he studied wrestling his whole life he’s like 280 huge guy but there’s something that’s like primal
and feels good about someone just choking the [ __ ] out of you like i don’t know what it is it’s weird but i like
doing it to people but i also like you know being in that situation that you get nowhere else like there’s a grown
man knee in your belly like you can barely breathe like trying to basically like kill you
and it feels good it’s hard to explain like i got some buddies i talked about like that sounds awful like man no it’s i
love it like i’m a big dude you know i’m a big muscly dude i you know i’m a fireman i’m a tough guy yeah okay cool
you know i’ve done a lot of kind of cool stuff in my life and um i go in there and you know like i roll
with another white belt who’s athletic who’s been there a lot a little longer than me
and i’m worried you know like he’s making me gas and if i let up
he’s gonna smoke me and then then i’m tired and i roll with a a purple belt who’s like half my size and he
obliterates me and so it’s just this place you can go to just remember you ain’t nothing special man
like i need that i need i need the humbling as much as possible
because like we gotta be reminded you know be reminded
yeah i’ve been missing that i had shoulder surgery about eight months ago um and i haven’t been able to roll for
eight months and right before my surgery i was going like five times a week i was
signed up for my first tournament and it was just like i was mentally so calm
just by rolling every single and i just i knew that over the next couple months
it would like reek and i’m just like so much more anxious throughout the week because i can’t get that out you know i
can still work out yeah but it’s not the same like it’s not the same as being like man i don’t want this kid to
break my arm i gotta use every ounce of everything i know so i don’t have my arm broken dude it’s the same reason why i
love hitting the concrete hard man like i love skateboarding and just going all out
and just just laying on the line and risking it all people are like don’t you have a family to support and all this
and i’m like listen i ain’t wrapping myself in bubble tape i got a short time left on this life and
it’s going to be on the attack and when i hit that concrete hard and i
knocks the wind out of me a little bit bro i feel alive i love it i love it
that’s something i i could never do i mean i never tried to do it but i i for a couple times when i was younger i tried to skateboard and i just you know
like the snowboarder fell underneath my feet and i fell backwards so it’s not in my future but it does
look like fun yeah i usually say tell people in their 30s 40s like maybe maybe pick something else up
you want to learn to fall younger yeah that’s usually the way to go you know
i broke my first rib in jiu jitsu and i don’t want to break another one yeah yeah yeah i had a guy do a uh it was
like my second month in and like a purple belt did it a bad technique
flying armbar you could call it but he was just jumped up on me and fell onto my on my
ribs and tried to rip my arm back and i that was my first broken bone ever you scared him in it
see yeah i think it’s what it is i mean if you roll some people who you know if you’re not like
mentally and emotionally mature you know you could see like this new young kid like we’ve got you know 18 year old
wrestlers who come into the gym you know they’re going to smoke everyone and you just really want to prove yourself especially if you know jujitsu
is all that’s like your identity yeah for sure you really want to prove yourself yeah and i think that was the
case with this guy and my first broken bone and i heard it crack and i was like oh [ __ ] and then i
was out for like a month yeah but yeah i don’t want to i don’t want to break break any ribs on the uh concrete that
sounds worse anyway i interrupted you and started talking i could talk about jiu jitsu for
hours i love it man but but you were starting to tell me how you started your brand uh business yeah i mean
it kind of goes back to my childhood man like i i grew up in southern california
surfing skateboarding i was in a punk rock band like living the life like that’s how i grew up like that standard
90s punk rock skate skate or die life you know
and uh it was great and um i grew up in a kind of a dichotomy a
pretty religious home and i i was you know i was very religious when i was
a kid surrounded by all the temptations and everything in the world
and i kind of just like was aloof of it i was in it but i wasn’t partaking of it
and um it was a certain there was a certain uh like
power i felt from the discipline even at a young age you know and that there was something
about discipline that just spoke to me like i i just loved it i loved kind of being different and
not just going with the flow of the crowd or whatever now i agree i grew up in a home where
like it was pretty standard like dad worked and then sat on the couch while mom
cooked and cleaned you know he wasn’t taking the boys weren’t taking the trash out like we knew mom was gonna
cook and then we were gonna eat sit on the couch and watch tv and then and then uh you know everything was just
gonna get done and the laundry got done and the fridge was magically full of food you know and it’s pretty standard
like it’s standard right i think a lot of people grew up that way yeah and so you know i took on
uh and you know i that’s just the way it was and i love my dad and i i don’t you
know hold any bad blood for it it was just that’s the culture and i took some of those traits with me when i got
married and uh when i was young i got you’re married very young at like 21 my wife was 19.
and we like real really quickly started having problems in our relationship like
right off the gates where like she would be so upset at me for you know leaving
dishes or not cleaning up my messes and at the time i was like well i don’t mind
the messes like i’m good with it i don’t care so why should i do it if it’s a problem for you
and you know so she would lock herself in the bathroom and cry and uh we had one moment in particular where
i was saying something about you know like i don’t have time for that or hey i work and you know i was trying
to defend myself and i remember the see the cabinet door just shut right on my head like
so she just rammed it into my head like i saw stars and like
[Music] and i mean it was such a good head smash like i was almost laughing
but i know it sounds crazy but that was kind of a wake-up moment for me where i was
like something’s not right here you know and and uh
i was in the i was in the the investment in mortgage stuff in the in the bank i started as a teller kind of worked my
way up in my 20s and was doing really successful there
just luckily because i was in the right place at the right time in the right seat i worked at a bank and people were coming in
and you know i was bringing home decent checks to the wife and 2008 hit and pulled the rug out from
under me right so now i’m sitting here losing my homes my cars my my retirement
everything and everything that i had built my ego up was just taken from me and a lot of my friends wives left them
because now they didn’t you know they were [ __ ] like me and now they didn’t have anything to provide and my
wife like a like a rock she stuck right by me
and i will never forget that you know like she was like
i’m here what do we got to do and so we moved in with my wife’s parents like
like broke i was i and i i was like well man like
i guess i get to start over i was 28 and i was i was like okay this you know
after a lot of tears and poor me woe is me um i decided i was gonna go be a fireman
and you know everyone’s like that’s crazy you have family why would you do that you’re not gonna make it whatever
and so i i was working as an emt for making like eight and a half bucks an hour or something you know and then i
started paramedic school i was volunteering at a fire department and going on ride-alongs to get ready
for to hopefully pass paramedic school and i was gone all the time like 24 hours a day i was not home i was
working towards this future and about a year and a half in i’m going man if i knew it was gonna be this hard i would
not have signed up for this and so you know that was our life for three years you know and when we got our
own place it was just canned food top ramen peanut butter jelly man and just negative bank account
overdraft charges it’s like when is this going to turn around you know year three i got hired in the fire
service and very quickly those guys put me in my place i mean they were like because
you know i showed up to a bunch of guys that could do anything you know they could cook they could fix things when there’s a
problem like they’re the guy that’s it that’s the end like you’re the go-to guy they’re not calling
anybody and we worked together we cooked together we cleaned toilets together
and i learned that like my mom
i really did have a servant’s heart i just didn’t know how to use it you know
and and i started to tap into that and really get into that service mode
for my brothers at the firehouse and then i started to bring that home to my family
and reorganize my brain cells and realize
holy [ __ ] i was a terrible husband terrible i wasn’t there for her
she was carrying our family what kind of leader was i worthless
oh okay i made a few bucks and brought him home who cares that’s an expectation of you
when we’re truly leading our family we carry our family on our backs what does that mean
everything is our responsibility everything and so
things changed and my wife and i started to grow even tighter together and we started to mesh and build a relationship
together that we didn’t have before and it was a true partnership where she had my back and i had hers no
matter what no matter how early how late no matter what dishes were in the sink the trash is full the kids need a diaper
change i was there that right there was a massive impact on
my life at the same time in the fire service i started getting into really into body composition change and fitness
and nutrition and very quickly had my own kind of massive transformation and the guys at the
firehouse who were beating on me calling me names clueless carney slim shaky i had all kinds of names you know
slim shaky yeah i’d get real nervous that’s a good one my hands would shake all the time on calls
you know and i’m gonna use that one and yeah it’s it’s good the the way i got it was they had me do a rap when i was on
probation and uh i didn’t i spent like three days on this rap to make it perfect and just kind of blew
their minds i’m a musician you see some guitars but um so i i did a pretty good
wrap but as i was holding the paper with my lyrics my hands were shaking so i got slim shaky so
um but uh so i found that the
fitness was a had a massive impact not only on my own confidence but on the way
other the other men in the firehouse saw me right because you’re immediately judged by
your physique and and and i had a guy the other day that i was a consul with that’s like i just want
that lean disciplined physique and i was like that’s a really cool way to put that because when you see that body you’re
like that takes discipline and yeah it does it does it takes a plan
it takes discipline and and so you kind of earn
some respect and it’s and it’s not from the body itself it’s from what it takes to get there and i realize that
discipline is is the currency to not only others respect but your own your
own follow-through earns your own respect and it wasn’t the way i looked that was
getting respect from the other guys it was my own respect for myself that i had earned through my follow-through i was
becoming a dependable man now i tell these two stories because
these are the two pillars in which i live my life i have a white board on the wall and it says
and and because diet is so much of this so much right
it says eat in accordance to your conscience and control your emotional responses
those two things two things all my goals and focuses and all the books and self-help and all that
comes down to those two things if you do those two things your life will be completely changed can
you explain what that means because i love the way that sounds so i truly believe that that
the substances we put in our body as far as food and drink affect our spirits and our
self-confidence and anyone who’s experienced one of those years months or years we just eat like
[ __ ] you just know and it’s not necessarily the
the effect it has on the way you look that sucks too right that’s that’s what
happens but it’s it’s it’s your spirit it’s the way you feel
about yourself because the food is running you you are its slave
and whenever we’re something slave it’s gonna cause all kinds of internal problems
it just doesn’t align right when when i am eating an alignment with a
plan or something that uh i said i was going to whatever that may be you know and i i
believe your conscience can can help you help guide you in this way you know if you listen to that voice it
can help guide you and obviously there’s some studying and understanding of nutrition and making the correct plan but
when you adhere to the plan and use discipline and when you have those moments we’re talking emotional
responses after this but what is food it’s an emotional response like if you don’t need the food but you’re going to
eat it anyway that’s pure emotion that’s because of stress or because you’re looking for
like some dopamine surge to fix some pain it’s just want to feel good i just want i just want to feel i just want to
take this pain away you know but the pain that feeling of like wanting
that’s your level up like this ability to sit in this discomfort
in real life and just this feeling that is what is going to cause progress
in your life right like if i can control what i put in my mouth food and drink
then what can i do with what comes out of my mouth the words that come out what can i do with
the actions that i have and what causes the problems in the family it’s digging your heels in and arguing
about dumb [ __ ] it’s snapping at your kids when you’re frustrated right it’s it’s saying a sarcastic
remark to your wife because you think she said something dumb and we always treat the ones we love the
worst right and i and those two things are or or and then we go back to like
walking past the dish that sink with dirty dishes in it like that’s this these are all the same it’s
like the same muscle you use not to eat [ __ ] to empty that dishwasher and so you have
this bleed over effect as you start to get these things lined up to where now
you’re starting to become a superhuman father i love that
so much of that was was so good um so you said
and the way you’re putting eating puts such a a deep onus on yourself
where it’s it’s very much more powerful than just i’m gonna follow this diet it’s like if i don’t eat well today
you’re somehow you know morally corrupting yourself and if if you think about it like if you put
that much weight on it i’m not saying that’s a bad thing i’m saying if you put that much weight on it it means so much more to you like if you
if there’s a little mini sized kitkat it’s like yeah sure it’s a 200 calories of chocolate and fat but the way you’re
looking at it is you know this is a spiritual decision i’m making today’s kitkat in my mouth
poison think about it on that level yeah yeah and you know just the inability to say no to your
pleasure senses and that and i kind of think about it like whenever you’re eating bad and eating
junk food it it happens it’s so many different things have that same muscle like you said it’s
splurging on amazon you know you go you go to the mall you go shopping splurging money is the same
thing as stopping mcdonald’s and eating some double cheeseburgers it’s just oh you just do it felt good it’s out there
it’s out of your system right you know what i mean right but i love the way you’re saying
saying that and i’ll have you say that again because i feel like i need to write that down that’s such a good quote um
because whenever you say it like that it puts so much more it’s not just a milkshake it’s like this is who i am as
a person like what i’m putting in my body like i am what i eat am i this that i’m putting in my body
and it’s if you think about it that way i think it’s almost easier to not eat poorly because if you think it’s it’s
just food whatever then you know oh it’s just some chocolate but if you think about no this is like a moral decision
yes then it’s not easy but it’s an easier rationale yeah and
because so i’ll put a caveat to this too so like i do not demonize any foods so
because every food is made up of fats carbs and proteins right so
people ask me like when they’re on my system like can i eat ice cream well you know can i eat this i go you can eat
whatever you want and i just leave it at that and i but but we talk very much about
that the voice and your true conscience your true self and how does it serve me how does this serve me and so you know i
have there’s a reason why my guys have the massive transformations that that they do because we attach great meaning to
what we’re doing and like you’re saying you can attach great meaning to the food
you will follow through right and because that’s what this is this is follow-through this is a this is making
the hard decisions and the hardest moments over and over again but i have guys on my
uh on my team that have gotten absolutely jacked and shredded and they eat a cheeseburger and ice
cream every night but look at the rest of their day clean meat
light snack light lunch and then they put it all later in the day and so they
use extreme discipline and they earned that moment
but they did it in control and they did not over indulge right and so within that spectrum of
their conscience they are aligned and so if someone did eat one kitkat
and it fit in their plan and in their numbers they’re good to go now
at some point as you follow this path your voice starts to speak in deeper
ways and it’ll tell you things like you’ll hear this voice you’ll be like is that really how does that serve you is
that nutritional value and you’re like no no you know like go away i love protein
bars i love them and i say use them they’re great you know you get your protein in it’s easy and they’re tasty
and i uh a couple weeks ago i was opening a protein bar and i’m like i’m gonna get
some of this chocolate little chocolate chips in it and i just had this feeling like
how does that serve you it’s like cardboard with protein in it is there nutrition protein bar it’s good for you right yeah and and and i take it and i
it’s a tap open and i was like oh i’m so bummed because i know that i’ve connected so well with my own conscience
now that like i know that voice like i cannot i can’t deny it anymore so i
was like so i put the protein bar back and i look over my my son’s right there and he goes
the voice and i was like yeah i was laughing i’ll tell you what man there’s going to be some some guys listening
that say this guy is feeling guilty about eating a protein bar yeah hey you know i’m i feel guilty you
know there’s many guys saying whenever i eat three instead of four double cheeseburgers it’s a wiz that’s what i
say like everyone’s on a is listening to their own voice like like like i can’t tell you i would never say protein bars
are bad ever i don’t say pizza’s bad like you know you just know for you
right you just have to listen and so everybody’s different this is just this is my journey and so
my guys on my program they eat whatever they want also you said the word guilt
as long as you’re pressing forward and you’re working towards the ultimate goal which there is no end
goal by the way you’re working towards the right direction then i don’t believe that guilt is
helpful i don’t believe shame is helpful when my guys [ __ ] the bed for three days and disappear and they come back and
they’re just full of shame and guilt they binge drink all weekend and ate like [ __ ]
i don’t care i’m not mad at them i’m not disappointed i go what did you learn
and and what are they going to tell me i don’t like that i don’t like the way i feel i go perfect
failure is such an important part of this game so no don’t feel guilty
don’t feel guilty unless you let go of the rope completely and you’re just over it and you’re doing
nothing if you’re not trying and you’ve quit let the shame and guilt do its magic and get you off your ass and start working
on something but all your past failures you know you’ve tried and you failed you tried and you failed i it just doesn’t
work for me dude keep trying find the right people that can help you
get the right information discipline is a skill you know and then that failure what does
it do so it takes that guy who just failed felt miserable now he comes back
he’s back on track again right well guess what now he requires less discipline because he doesn’t want to
feel that way anymore so now he starts to want to eat right right it’s very similar my
son was he’s uh my son’s uh when he was i think he was
nine eight or nine when he was first dropped in on a vert ramp and the vert ramp’s scary you look down at it not a
skateboard and yeah it’s like concave you’re like how’s this possible you can’t drop in on
this you’ll die but he really wanted to do it and he’d go up and set his board and his brothers would
make fun of him and be like just do it just do it i’m like hey he’ll do it when he’s ready like he’ll just do it when he’s ready he’s like i can’t do it dad
i’m like don’t worry just keep skateboarding and at some point it’ll happen and a couple months later he goes
and sets it up and he looks down he goes oh i got this and just does it and it wasn’t hard
it was easy so that’s what that’s what this is this is just all about progress it’s trying to get more aligned in our lives and the
more aligned we get the more beautiful life is and we do it when we’re ready
right but if he never did practice skateboarding if he never got up there and tried and checked he would never
know so just don’t quit there’s a lot of emotions tied up into eating healthy and
losing weight you know for women too especially absolutely man but but you know whenever
i if i do a post about health or fitness and how you know guys should do
that there’s always you know most people most guys will agree with it but you’re
gonna get some guys who get very defensive oh yeah and and say you know
i don’t need to lose weight my fam my kids my wife love me the way i am why can’t i stay the way i and they might be
right they might be right who am i to say that when they say hey
i’m happy the way i am i’m not going to tell them they aren’t all i can do is take their word for it
right and then share my message and if my message doesn’t ring true for them then god bless them my message will ring true
to the guys who have the same suffering that i do right
so i speak to my people if if my words piss you off which piss
off a lot of people trust me i know because i get the messages it’s not for you
it’s fine right it’s true if it feels true
then for you it works right so because different different ways of doing things are going to work for different people and i’ll tell you what
my system will change as time goes on because i’ll get better at it so i’m telling you right now i don’t
know [ __ ] i know i know what works for the guys who reach out to me that when i speak they’re like
i feel that okay i know it works for you well i feel like the biggest thing
right now i’ll be honest i am not in the best shape of my life and i’ve always i’ve got as excuses you know if i
was on your team you’d tell me i had a [ __ ] ton of excuses i was getting up you know to the best
shape of my life and i had all this surgery and all that crap so when i couldn’t do jiu jitsu and i couldn’t work out
like i could have found things to do yeah to exercise and right now i’m recovering i’m getting back to where i
was but still all i have is excuses um but
god damn i forget what my point was well like i i love that you bring that up because
the excuses uh my brother who coaches with me i love what he calls it he calls
it the fake voice i call it the resistance call it the devil call it whatever you want yeah help me work through my
excuses because my excuse was uh i can’t do my upper body i like i could have been doing body squats and stuff but i
didn’t do it and i’m working my way back there but i had excuses about everything so past eight months i’ve
gotten in worse shape and i’m last couple months i’m working my way back up yeah so with excuses it’s like just
break it down what do you what do you truly want what do you want like what do you desire
you know like you picture the body you want the life you want the person you want to be
just picture that and if it’s who you are now then congratulations
right but if it’s not you can’t lie to yourself you can look in the mirror all day and be like
i love you you’re good enough but if it’s not true it’s not true so there’s only one way to fix it
fix it you know yeah right here’s the other thing
you don’t have to be at a certain point to be happy because you never will be you never if you have that mindset
already you’re always going to want more you’re always going to want progress so progress is the answer and here’s the
cool thing about is today
if you give yourself a certain regiment to follow and you follow it you are that man
you’re that disciplined dependable man right now you don’t have to wait you don’t have to wait to lose the 60
pounds to feel good about yourself you get to feel good about yourself today you get to look in there and be
like [ __ ] yeah you did it and that is empowering because
everyone’s like man i just got to get this weight off no you don’t no you don’t you just got to do today and look
in the mirror and see how you feel you’re going to feel amazing and
that that’s so i’ve been thinking about that exact topic recently i’ve been reading a book called the power of now
um which goes into some something about that you know atomic atomic habits by james clear
and it’s all about you know you are what you do that day yeah and there’s such a
inner turmoil that happens whenever you have whenever you set goals for yourself
and your whole life is turns into i will be happy when this future version
of me happens and that future version might not happen for five years so basically you miss the
five years of life leading up to that and you know you are
you can’t lie to your i mean i’m repeating some of the stuff you said but you can’t say i want to be this fit guy
and then you look back on your day and you say well i did these five things that were not healthy were not fit you
know weren’t part of the program but if you did do those things and you are what you did that day like did i do the
things today that a healthy person would do if i did then i’m a healthy person like did i do the things today that a
successful person would do yes then i’m a successful person and i feel like you know for me and for
lots of people like whenever just like you said whenever you lie to yourself whenever you say i want to do this goal
it means a lot to me and you say it but then you don’t have the actions you don’t have the the track record of doing
the things to get there your your soul your your brain it knows that
you’re you’re in conflict yes like what you’re saying what you’re promising yourself and what you are actually doing
is different and you know that you can only lie to yourself for so long before you’re just staying up at night knowing that you’re
not becoming who you should become yeah and what is it in the end in the end it’s being able to depend on
yourself right because and that’s a that’s a skill so and that’s where this extreme
self-forgiveness comes in it’s like you don’t just go to the golf course the first time and
kill it you know what i mean it takes years so like don’t expect to just be the most
disciplined dependable man on earth right out the gates like just work towards it
just work towards it don’t quit you’ll you will make progress you will get there
that’s the toughest thing it’s it’s daily um you mentioned it earlier it’s the daily
grind it’s the resistance that comes and i feel like any time you do start to have
progress you’re going to get that you know that universal resistance from anything whatever goal you set for
yourself as soon as you start to actually make some traction you know god the universe whoever is
going to say do you really want this yeah here’s this i just had a guy i just had a guy um he
just texted me right before our call and he’s got tears in both his shoulders off the bone and he’s a he’s a muscular dude
so he’s been able to work out but the doctor’s like no we already surgery you can’t you’re not going to do upper body
stuff my response to that is like it’s all good no problem
we’re just going to work your legs your abs and we’ll burn fat while you’re healing it’s not a problem and then you’ll heal up and any atrophy you had
up top will get back in in three to six months it’s not a problem at all zero
you know um and and now he’s like fired up he’s like oh cool okay yeah yeah not a big deal we
got this and that guy will have yeah you can look at that situation as a negative or as
you know the reason why you aren’t going to be successful or the reason why you will be successful every time i’ve been
injured i’ve had progress in other areas of my life every single time and that just goes back to anytime
something terrible happens your life like losing everything when in in
in the banking business for me like i wouldn’t change that for the world i was a cocky like
self-absorbed prick i needed that that that’s why i love jiu-jitsu here’s
the other thing on that side of things so you can become that man today by just changing your habits today
but let’s say you get to a place where you look in the mirror and you’re like damn you did it
well a lot of times guys get there and they say i did it so now it’s time to go to cabo and party and eat whatever i
want and skip workouts guess what
all those old feelings of anxiety depression darkness self-hate self-loathing
they’ll come back and you look in the mirror and you go wait a minute
i look great i thought i thought this would make me happy guess what yeah that hit me
that’s not how it works it’s who i am you are and what you do
before my honeymoon okay i i did do you know p90x yeah beachbody working yeah
yeah yeah great workout i did that i first off i was living by myself which was hugely helpful so i was a you know i
was engaged living on my own for a year and i did p90x three times in a row got
on a crazy diet and i went from like 225 to 167
and it was the most shredded i was ever i ever was like i got you know i had my little containers of food i didn’t
deviate from that i mean there was a point it was like seven months went by and i hadn’t had a piece of chocolate and like i said let me reiterate i was
living by myself in an apartment um but i went you know
got married had the wedding and on our honeymoon i remember we were at sandals jamaica and just kind of like picking
out on drinks and and food because i deserved it because you know i earned the bad food and drinks
and that that i went three days without working out and that’s all i remember that’s all i
could think about and i was like fighting myself i was like no don’t work out like my inner me
wanted to work out so bad but i was some narrative was telling myself no
don’t work out you deserve this go go in the raft have a drink don’t work out this entire week
and that like doing that for a week kind of the rest of that year you know was just like a constant battle like that
one week changed an entire year of my life yeah like i gained weight back i got worse
shape but my workouts weren’t as consistent and had i just accepted that yeah i’m
someone who likes to eat well and work out that’s okay it’s okay that you know no you don’t deserve this whatever yeah
like just yeah it’s okay that you don’t want to eat all that you deserve to live your best life and that’s part of it
right that’s what you deserve and but culturally we’re just we think like you’re not supposed to
work out on vacation or you know you’re supposed to binge drink and just stuff your face because you’re on vacation man
i have the best vacations i’m going to hawaii on wednesday and i will eat a ton of pokeballs and i
will hike that entire island and i’ll serve and i will come back more shredded and
leaner than when i left and i’ll have the best vacation ever so it’s a lie it’s a lie
it’s hard man i just i feel like we just realized that the last couple i think the last three or four years we finally
started working out on vacation and ever since we did we started having much better vacations like we just
started feeling better less emotional responses less frustration
more energy and it’s like it’s a culture it has to be a cultural thing because you you feel
like if you especially if you go with a group of people like we’ve been on vacations with large groups of people and you know me
and my wife were the ones who worked out and man do you get some oh yeah some passive aggressive comments from people
sure for sure because you make them start to look inward and feel bad about themselves well hey you know the truth
is the truth if they feel that way then they’re denying their own truth if they’re good with it then they’re good
with it but if if that actually hurts them because you’re making yourself better and enjoying yourself
they should probably listen you know yeah but ever since we started working out on
vacations i’m telling you it was just we were so much happier the entire week yep i i agree
and again hey let me like it might be a sickness bro like i call it the sickness like some guys call me and they’re like
man i just i need progress like i just want to grow my business and i want to get ripped and i’m like i’m like yeah
you have the sickness like we that’s that’s like certain people just want to push forward and like you’re you’re here
building this podcast you do jujitsu like i mean from my assessment you have it
yeah i don’t know if it’s a good thing like i i look at some people who
are very happy not doing a lot and i like it and it’s
and you know that makes me look inward and being like what’s wrong with me yeah but
here’s when i look at it like what if there wasn’t people like us nothing would get done like you have to have the you have to have us
to create to push to push boundaries to expand to to serve
right yeah like and so to me i’d rather live
a harder life and and be more impactful in my life and utilize every minute that god has
given me then to relax like i never want to retire
never zero like retire in the idea of retirement like
like sit around on the beach and have drinks and just chill oh that to me that sounds like hell
i figured that out about myself real quick just even from vacations and um
man i cannot go a day like i look back at my time before i had kids before i was doing the my
online business stuff and i was like what did i do with my time like i cannot go
very long without working on something dude we’re going to be dead soon like we’re a blip
just a flash of light like and i i think about that man when i wake up in the morning i think i think
about that that’s in my head like this could be your last day this could be it how are you going to treat your family
today what kind of impact are you gonna have in the world like these are the thoughts that go in
my head that get me up in the morning over and over and over and over again
regardless of how tired i am regardless of what happened the night before i got [ __ ] to do
and i love it now you can tell and the way you speak and like you can just tell by your physique and your but like you
go after it every single day it’s inspiring dude today can i ask go ahead
no go ahead today i’ll finish 245 wake up i’m building a of a uh online course for my guys
and then right to the to our garage gym at 5 a.m chest workout 6 a.m jiu jitsu
come home eat something podcast with my team at eight i am so fired up and inspired
by eight o’clock i’m like this is the best day ever did some work for another hour had some people come we did some
photo stuff at the skate park at the gym came back got on another call
had an inspiring conversation with someone who was looking to join the team and now i’m on here with you it’s
i mean my time right now it’s what three o’clock my kids are just about to get home i’ve got three more calls to go on
and then it’s family time and then i do it all over again and i’m driven by purpose so i don’t
care how tired i am i don’t care how hard it is i don’t care it’s all pure purpose if you can find
that if you can find that and flip that switch you float on air man
and this is what i’m trying to tell people it’s like it’s not hard when you find
your true why you know and by the way if you need just let me
know if you need to i’m having a great time talking to you i feel like i got i didn’t even hit one of my bullet points
somewhere at 50 minutes already yeah i actually let me know i don’t want to take you from your family i actually do have an appointment
in uh four minutes okay we can do yeah we can wrap this up we can do a part two if you want
i think we’re gonna have to i mean you said amazing stuff like the stuff that matters like you
know what what should i eat tomorrow isn’t nearly as important as you saying
the food you eat is a reflection of your however you said it’s soul consciousness
can you give me that quote one more time for everyone like i believe that the food and drink you
put in your body affects your spirit and and and it actually affects your
right to lead and speak and when i am eating in alignment
i can lead i have confidence i feel dependable right
and and i don’t know what that is exactly i don’t know how spiritually it all works
out i just know it’s real and that’s what i teach my guys and if you go look at my instagram and look at
my transformations you’ll see we do something different
awesome let’s end it there and um yeah let’s definitely do a part two i’ve got a lot of stuff to talk to you about and
one so you said your instagram i’ve saw some of your instagram transformations are unbelievable unbelievable they’re
amazing what is your instagram it is super human fathers at superhuman fathers and you can also is there
anything else that we want people to find yeah you can go to superhumanfathers.com i have an ebook you can download and then you can uh
put your information in there and have us reach out to you if you’re interested in uh just kicking ass at life
i love it man so glad to have to have met you and i hope we can continue this relationship absolutely man thank you

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